What To Do When You are Pissed Off

(Read to the end - there’s a meditation there!)

You’re Pissed

There’s a lot of anger going around these days. There’s a lot to be pissed about. Anger is a human emotion and we have it for a reason. Used effectively, we can use it to make our lives better and the world a better place.

But most of the time, especially when it is impotent rage, the main person our anger hurts is ourselves. There’s no point to road rage. Refusing to talk to your sister-in-law because she said some stupid shit only makes everyone’s holiday worse. Calling your wife names when you are really angry with yourself does not make for a better home life. Telling your boss to f*ck himself is probably not the best way to handle his ridiculous demands. Screaming at someone on social media because they happen to believe that deporting 15 million people is a good idea really does nothing.

Nevertheless, when you are cut off on the highway, are around your sister-in-law, wife, or boss, or when you see that post, you have a very hard time holding yourself back from doing something stupid.

So what do you do? Following is an exercise that can help. This is something that requires practice when you are not angry. (Or at least not very angry.) Right now, your reactions are habituated. Imagine a marble rolling down a groove. If it rolls down that groove a million times, the groove will get pretty deep. If you have a deep groove and a shallow groove, the marble will most likely roll down the deep groove. That’s your habit. This new way of doing things that I am about to suggest is the shallow groove. The more you practice it, the more likely it is that the marble will roll down that groove.

This exercise will help you manage your anger in the moment and help you reduce your anger overall. If you practice this method on a regular basis, you’ll be able to handle life’s stupidity and frustrations. You’ll be more in choice and less in reactivity, which will improve the likelihood that you will get what you want in life.

I’m going to make this simple and take you through it one step at a time. In no time at all, you will feel calmer, more relaxed, and more able to face life’s challenges.

Anger has four parts, and we are going to work on all of them.

First, it is something that happens in your body. You might have a stomach ache, or your heart pounds, your jaw or hands may tighten.

Second, it is something that happens in your thoughts. You may think, “what an idiot! I want to kill that . . .” or “Are you really that stupid?” or “If that jerk tells me to do one more thing, I’m going to . . .” Anyway, you know what you think. You get the idea.

Third, it’s something that happens in your actions. You probably say things that hurt other people’s feelings or get people pissed at you. Maybe you do something self-destructive like some addictive behavior.

Fourth, it is a difficult and painful emotion. You don’t like feeling this way and you want it to go away.

The 10 Steps to Managing Anger

You can go through each step as slowly or as quickly as you like. You can repeat steps as many times as you like. You can write down the answers to the questions or just say them to yourself.

Remember, you have everything you need inside of you, in your heart, to have peace of mind, wellbeing, and the ability to take the actions that will get you everything you want in life.

Step 1

Find a comfortable place to sit with your feet on the ground.
Say out loud or to yourself, “I can manage and resolve my anger by practicing this exercise.”

Step 2

If there is something that you are angry about right now, notice that. If you are not, think of something that you find mildly irritating. If you like, write down what you are angry about.

Step 3

On a scale of 1-10 how strong is your anger right now?

Step 4

Anger is something that happens in your body. Close your eyes and scan slowly through your body from head to toe. Notice any tightness, tension, holding, sensations, experiences or pain in your body as you scan through your body. What did you notice? (Write it down, if you like.)

Step 5

Say the sentence, “When I have this sensation of (from Step 4) in my body, it is a signal that I’m feeling angry.”

Step 6

Anger is something that happens in your thoughts. Notice the thoughts you have when you are angry.

Step 7

Say the sentence, “When I have thoughts like, (from Step 6) and feelings in my body like, (Step 4) it is a signal I am feeling angry.”

Step 8

Say the sentence, “The solution to my anger is not yelling, acting out, or being self-destructive. It is calming my nervous system, by body, and my thoughts.”

Step 9

Do the following meditation to calm your body and quiet your thoughts.

Step 10

On a scale of 1 -10, how strong is your anger now? If it has lowered substanially, that’s great!

Keep practicing this technique and you will get better and better at navigating your anger.

If you want more exercises like this, say Yes in the comments section.